Just for Laughs

Humor Articles Samples

7 Ways to Help Writers Survive the Holidays

Chain of Fools

Chain of Fools
Got a chain letter today. Why me? It says to forward it to 10 people and I’ll get one wish granted. Don’t break the chain!
Okay I’ll try my luck.
There, I sent the letter to 10 people. I was short a friend. Used my other email address. I’m not cheating. I’m a people.
Can’t believe that letter ticked everybody off. Wish I never sent it.
Got a chain letter today. Why me? Forward it to 10 people, I get one wish granted. Don’t break the chain! Okay I’ll try my luck.

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Garden Cliches

When everything’s coming up roses and you’re life is like a bowl of cherries, you can thank a gardener.
Did you ever wonder where clichés originate? I’m willing to bet the farm that many of our popular sayings stem from the garden. Let’s see how garden clichés apply to everyday life.
How about your little sprout? Is he the apple of your eye? Maybe members of your family tree commented on how he’s growing like a weed. I know my granddaughter has ants in her pants when naptime comes around. But after a nap, she’s fresh as a daisy and ready to take the bull by the horns.
Teenagers need sage advice. Stay cool as a cucumber when dishing the dirt about sowing wild oats. Remember, they’re wet behind the ears, so just nip it in the bud.
Around the house you’re sure to get rubbed against the grain. Lost socks are like looking for a needle in a haystack, but if you wait long enough you’ll hit pay dirt. It doesn’t pay to replace them; money doesn’t grow on trees.
Gossip can get you into a real pickle. I heard it through the grapevine that my friend has a new boyfriend. A little bird told me he’s the cream of the crop when it comes to guys. I was beet red when I learned of his name. I loaned this guy seed money to start a business.
My friend and I are like two peas in a pod. Should I spill the beans? Maybe opening a can of worms over chicken feed is like making a mountain out of a molehill.
I was once led down the garden path by a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I believed every word he said. The yarn he spun sure pulled the wool over my eyes. Knock on wood I came to my senses and dropped him like a hot potato.
I recently went to my high school reunion. It was great to get back to my old stomping ground. But there is usually one bad apple in every bunch. This girl always had a bee in her bonnet. Fortunately she turned over a new leaf. Now, she’s down to earth and solid as a rock.
Now as I get older I realize the grass is not always greener on the other side. I stand my ground and when life hands me lemons, I make lemonade. Fellow gardeners, raise your glasses in a toast to gardeners everywhere. Here’s mud in your eye!

Originally published February 1, 2003, Pocono Record, Stroudsburg, PA.
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